Daddy I drove! I drove! I really drove!

Well technically I moved the car! Same difference right? So for the rest of this post let it be envisioned as driving in all its awesomeness.
If ever there was going to be a post that exposed how juvenile I am this would be it so brace yourselves…
I remember the day like it was 28 days ago… that’s because it was 28 days ago… It was faux pas May Day because May Day was being celebrated in our little island on the day before May Day hence taking the word ‘May’ out of ‘May Day’ which made it just a day. Just an ordinary day. But that was before…dum dum dum daa( suspense music playing)… I moved the car.

Here’s what you’ll need to relive my experience:
1. One whimsical uncle who has an understated death wish because he agrees to sit in the same car as a know-nothing-at-all driver.
2. One know-nothing-at-all-driver. (Me)
3. One half-asleep unsuspecting owner of the vehicle. (My dad)
4. One automatic car on death row.
5. An audience of kids who can go from overly depressed to overly enthusiastic in seconds.

Preparation: Sit know-nothing-at-all-driver with an audience of overly depressed kids. Know-nothing-at-all-driver will then instantly start wishing she can run/drive away. With this in mind, let know-nothing-at-all-driver approach whimsical uncle who after hearing know-nothing-it-all-driver’s story will say “Sure, I’ll teach you how to drive”. Let know-nothing-at-all and now-shaking-with-anticipation driver approach half asleep owner of the vehicle and ask for the keys and permission to drive. For best results say it really fast and insist that it’s whimsical uncle’s idea! Proceed to the car on death row to the cheers of overly enthusiastic kid audience.

Method: Get into the car and sit… wait it’s not what you think… sit in the front row passenger seat. You’re not ready for the coveted driving seat… yet!

Look towards uncle who will begin introducing you to the accelerator, brake, handbrake, and the stick that changes the gears. Watch as he uses them, nodding your head all along, mentally sticking out your tongue at him and thinking ‘I-knew-that-and-you-didn’t-have-to-tell-me’.

Stay alert for the words. “Ok… Now you try”

Proceed or better yet run to exchange places with whimsical uncle before a. he changes mind and b. half asleep vehicle owner gets up- two very real and threatening possibilities.

Look at self in the front view and side view mirrors and smile to match heightened level of euphoria.

Place hands on the steering wheel and remove instantly. You will not be using this as much as your childhood fantasies preconceived.

And why not?
Because all you will do is drive straight ahead for about 15 feet and then proceed to reverse for about 3 times.

Struggle with trying to move the handbrake, think “I am such a girl” and then find out that you should push the little button on top, pull it up slightly and then push it down to get moving.

Step on the accelerator to feel like you’re actually doing something. You should get a real kick out of this part. And then break for a few seconds ahead of hitting the kitchen wall which was what you were driving towards.

Repeat as much as whimsical uncle allows.

Horn as necessary on exit to the cheers of overly enthusiastic kid audience.

And there you have it: How I moved a car.

What was it like? Nothing short of incrrredible!

How was I as a driver? Well… It wasn’t a smooth ride but it wasn’t that bad. Based on whimsical uncle’s reprimands, I lack complete concentration. Well excuse me for wanting my first ride to be cool and not so much controlled. All his instructions were swirling about in my head and I had to sort out which one I had to use next and then make sure I knew what to do after that. There was a lot of thinking involved and the margin for error was so small it sorta scared me. But I guess with practice the technical stuff will come naturally and then you’ll have time to actually enjoy it more.

What I missed out on: Turning on the Ignition (which I know has ‘To-Do’ written all over it) and steering.

On the whole: Awesome with the hint of sadness considering all that there is to driving and how little I’ve done and know. But all that matters is that the experience counts and I can add ‘Drove a car’ to my list of accomplishments. And now that I’ve had a taste of what it’s like I definitely know I want to and can do this in the future.

Everyone needs recognition for his accomplishments, but few people make the need known quite as clearly as the little boy who said to his father, 'Let's play darts. I'll throw and you say, "Wonderful!" – Off Condensed Chicken Soup for the Soul

And that’s my motivation for the next time…

If i tell you what this is about, chances are you won't read...

If you ever catch a random episode of Seinfeld I can almost guarantee that you’re not going to love it from the on-set. The picture quality was, for lack of an appropriate technical word, bad. I’m no expert when it comes to the lenses but the whole time I was forced to watch it in the beginning I kept thinking “Gosh, they should really get that camera replaced!” But in retrospect I think it might not have been completely the camera’s fault. It seemed the whole thing seemed a bit 'dull' because they kept focusing on the 'dull'. It seems everything on the sets was either gray or blue-gray or brown or black. Not the riot of color that you’d see on those early Friends episodes that shared some of its later production years.

Then there are the characters…They’re not what you call ‘lovable’ (like the Friends lot) and are a bit too much in your face except maybe for Jerry and this does not change the longer you watch it but it grows on you. And I bet most people can’t get past the fact that there aren’t any hotties on the show unlike say… the cast of ‘Friends’! I mean these people look like the type who could put you to sleep and their fashion sense operates backwards when compared to that of Friends. And I can honestly say I don’t think the show ever got to the point where the characters bonded emotionally. And again this is where the ‘Friends’ tips the scales.

But you have to let your superficial self go and ask yourself is this what matters when you’re watching a comedy?

On the flipside…

For everything that’s wrong with Seinfeld I figure there’s two things right. Like the script is so funny and the delivery of the lines by the characters is brilliant. Each character has their mannerisms and keeps so loyally to it in every scene and once you’ve seen an entire season of episodes you’ll appreciate this constancy.

The interesting thing about this show is that it’s about 'nothing' as the characters so liberally state and yet it is about 'everything'. It’s hilarious how the characters are so paranoid and blow out of proportion the smallest things in life. It’s kinda like what I always want to do in a similar moment but put off because it’s too confrontational. Here’s one such scene that I wish I could re-enact:


ELAINE: Tell me if you think this is strange: There's this guy who lives in my building, who I was introduced to a couple of years ago by a friend. He's a teacher, or something. Anyway, after we met, whenever we'd run into each other on the street, or in the lobby, or whatever, we would stop and we would chat a little... Nothing much. Little pleasantries. He was a nice guy, he's got a family... Then after a while, I noticed there was no more stopping. Just saying hello and continuing on our way. And then the verbal hellos stopped, and we just went into these little sort of nods of recognition. So, fine. I figure, that's where this relationship is finally gonna settle: Polite nodding. Then one day, he doesn't nod. Like I don't exist?! He went from nods to nothing.

GEORGE: (imitating Tony Bennett) "You know, I'd go from nods to nothing...”

ELAINE: And now, there's this intense animosity whenever we pass. I mean, it's like we really hate each other. It's based on nothing.

JERRY: A relationship is an organism. You created this thing and then you starved it so it turned against you. Same thing happened to The Blob.

GEORGE: I think you absolutely have to say something to this guy. Confront him.

ELAINE: Really?

GEORGE: Yes.

ELAINE: You would do that?

GEORGE: If I was a different person.

Later on in the episode….

ELAINE: So, I had what you might call a little encounter this morning.

JERRY: Really? That guy who stopped saying hello?

ELAINE: Yep.

JERRY: You talked to him?

ELAINE: Yep. I spotted him getting his mail. And at first, I was just going to walk on by, but then I thought "no, no, no, no. Do not be afraid of this man."

JERRY: Right.

ELAINE: So, I walked up behind him and I tapped him on the shoulder. And I said, "Hi, remember me?" And he furrows his brow as if he's really trying to figure it out. So I said to him, I said, "You little phony. You know exactly who I am."

JERRY: "You little phony"?

ELAINE: I did. I most certainly did. And he said, he goes, "Oh, yeah. You're Jeanette's friend. We did meet once." And I said, "Well, how do you go from that to totally ignoring a person when they walk by?"

JERRY: Amazing.

ELAINE: And he says, he says, "Look, I just didn't want to say hello anymore, alright?" And I said, "Fine. Fine I didn't want to say hello anymore either, but I wanted you to know that I'm aware of it."

JERRY: You are the Queen of Confrontation. You're my new hero.

End scene

Now that’s… bravery for you!

And the show addresses a lot of everyday silly stuff like that. Like Jerry’s mother loving him so much that she keeps asking rhetorically about Jerry “How could anyone not like him?” And then there was this parking lot episode which was so hilarious. You gotta see it to know that this is what you never want to happen to you if you parked in a parking lot and forgot where you parked!

Oh and have you heard of this term 'Re-gifter or Re-gifting'? If you haven’t you can probably take a guess and figure it’s 'A person who gives things they received from others as gifts. They take what was given to them and send it to someone else out of laziness and spite.'

Well apparently the term originated from Seinfeld. In the episode "The Label-Maker” Elaine calls Dr.Tim Whatley a 'regifter' after he gives Jerry a label-maker that was originally given to Whatley By Elaine.

Now try and tell yourself that the idea never crossed your mind especially when it was something you hadn’t and wouldn’t use at all? I figure there are some of us out there who think about it and think “Nah” and some of us who have actually done it. (Hushed silence) I don’t think there’s a category of us who hasn’t thought about it. Ok… well unless you never had to give someone else a gift and had nothing you could potentially 're-gift'.

I also especially loved the little monologue bits that Jerry did at The Comedy Club. There’s so many I can’t list them even though I really really want to, but trust me everyone of them is so funny.

JERRY: Every time somebody recommends a doctor, he's always the best. "Oh, is he good?" "Oh, he's the best. This guy's the best." They can't all be the best. There can't be this many bests. Someone's graduating at the bottom of these classes, where are these doctors? Is somewhere, someone saying to their friend, "You should see my doctor, he's the worst. Oh yeah, he's the worst, he's the absolute worst there is. Whatever you've got, it'll be worse after you see him. He's just, he's a butcher. The man's a butcher."? And then there's always that, "Make sure that you tell him that, you know, you know me." Why? What's the difference? He's a doctor. What is it, "Oh, you know Bob! Okay, I'll give you the real medicine. Everybody else, I'm giving Tic-Tacs."

I realize this is barely eclectic and certainly not stormy content but hey... i needed to post this to prevent the eclectic storm of having this stuff unwritten and circling about in my head forever.

‘A’ is for Aftermath, Awww and Mirrors*

*: Just go with me on the ‘A’ is for Mirrors notion. ‘A’ could be the new ‘M’!

In a shocking turn of events, the ‘Boo Me Barista’ post died before the first word hit the page. There it was one day minding its own business, so psyched about its upcoming postdom and the next day ‘Poofster’! They say… it didn’t go peacefully! They say… the end of posts was near! They say… oh never mind... Who is buying this anyway? Ok… Alright... The real deal is... I killed it! So what?! Don’t judge me! That’ll teach me for planning ahead! Mundane Introductions… See… I knew that was bound to get me into trouble.

“Awww” for Isga adding my blog to his list of cool blogs! And now he’s on my list… not in a tit-for-tat move but rather because I really really believe his post is very very well written!

And finally here’s a psychotic tip for you (There I go again! Very mundane introduction-y of me right?) Mirror therapy. What you do is… walk/march/jog/stride/glide/trot (are you getting the idea?) over to a mirror, sit/stand/perch (aww… you’re lucky I ran out of verbs over there) in front of the mirror and just start talking about whatever you’re feeling and most often crying about. And remember as hard as it is… while you’re doing this… you’re not talking to yourself because you’re crazy or vain (even though looking at and talking to your intelligent self can be quite the treat…sometimes!) or even because no one in their sane frame of mind wants to hear about your problems (in simple terms you’re a loner!) but simply because I told you to! And if that doesn’t work (for reasons I can’t understand besides you being silly!) you can always try to convince yourself that you’re doing it because it might work. Not only do you calm down but you also figure out what you really want to do about the situ because let’s face it even though other people can advice you you’re the one who finally makes the decision to put whatever advice into action. (I can’t believe I just wrote that last part so normally!) Plus for me I just never manage to be able to cry for very long in front of a mirror… maybe it’s just me… or me and my mother (because she did admit to it working for her as a kid as well). The pillow on the other hand is your enemy. Gosh! The amount of hours you can cry into that thing is unbelievable!

But trust me on the (sunscreen! nah...) tip…